I bought a movie on Itunes the other day. It was very hot here, in the 99-100 degree range, which is not normal for the Portland area. We get about 5-7 days a year that are in the high 90's and they make news.
So I was very tired of sitting in the living room with girl and boy kidlet, watching the 9,000th episode of SpongeBob or some such other nonsense and retreated to my bedroom. I wasn't mad or irritated, just needed some space to sprawl.
So I cranked the ceiling fan up and laid down on the bed in the dark to watch some television. I found a movie that I remember watching as a 12 year old. "Author, Author", it's a Al Pacino film about a father with a mixed bag of kids/step kids who is also a play write. I loved it. It gave me that homey safe feeling of being a kid again. I loved the early 80's fashions, and the chance to remember the feel and smell of my parents house on rainy afternoons after school.
But than the pickings got a little slim, so I browsed the movie section on itunes and found to my joy the 1976 remake of "A Star Is Born" starring Barbara Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. I was so surprised and happy to see it.
I had seen it once years ago, and loved it. Loved the story of the self destructive burned out famous musician falling in love with a singer who wants the dream that he has tired of.
But it was different to watch it this time.
I feel like I spent years being someone else to make someone else happy, and I lost myself in the process, we all know that, I've yammered about it before. But what hasn't failed to surprise me is how those differences make themselves apparent to me. In the film they face a similar dilemma, knowing one person is dragging the other down, but not wanting to let go.
There's a line in the movie, after Streisand's character, Esther finds her husband in bed with a groupie. She says.."You can trash your life, but you won't trash mine"
That hit home with me. It was like when I decided that the things he was doing in our marriage were his sins not mine. It's a re-claiming of your life.
The love scenes were also so very different for me now. I didn't know before that people could make love like that. I can't go into anymore detail because I'm a sissy and somebody may actually read this someday. But my love life with Riddick is drastically different from my life before, in a beautiful way. And I am grateful for it beyond words. In fact if I could put it into words I would, because they would be the most precious words ever written.
As usual I have shamed myself while writing this that I ever feel sorry for myself when I have such a blessed and wonderful life. I really was brought through the valley of death, and am here now, safe and sound, only due to the blessings and protection of our heavenly father.
Love like you mean it, Live like you mean it, and Pray like you mean it, every day! That's what I will try and do, until next time.