Thursday, September 16, 2010

I wish that I could be secure

Riddick is a very secure strong silent type person. When he has something to say, he says it, and he can be quite talkative when he is engaged with people he loves, or people he is comfortable with.

I am not a very secure person. Nor silent. I start off shy, which defines alot of who I am, but once I am close to you, I will speak. But I am never secure.

I do not what or how to be in any relationship and know, just know, that it's all ok and that I don't have to wonder.

I wish that I did. I pray that I will someday. Riddick deserves that trust. So do my friends and new family. But I'm always nervous. Like the can in a room full of rocking chairs.

I know that I wasn't always this way. I can remember as a small child being shy but secure in my life.

Life's challenges and pain have made me this but that isn't a reason for me to accept it as who I am.

Just once I want to lay in bed at night, or sit at a table in a restarant and not feel like I'm an outsider, that maybe something isn't right.

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