I wish that I could be secure

Riddick is a very secure strong silent type person. When he has something to say, he says it, and he can be quite talkative when he is engaged with people he loves, or people he is comfortable with.

I am not a very secure person. Nor silent. I start off shy, which defines alot of who I am, but once I am close to you, I will speak. But I am never secure.

I do not what or how to be in any relationship and know, just know, that it's all ok and that I don't have to wonder.

I wish that I did. I pray that I will someday. Riddick deserves that trust. So do my friends and new family. But I'm always nervous. Like the can in a room full of rocking chairs.

I know that I wasn't always this way. I can remember as a small child being shy but secure in my life.

Life's challenges and pain have made me this but that isn't a reason for me to accept it as who I am.

Just once I want to lay in bed at night, or sit at a table in a restarant and not feel like I'm an outsider, that maybe something isn't right.

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Today's list of what is on my mind

1: Will our society survive ourselves 2: Do we even deserve to survive; why are we, as a country, society, still not understanding why hate has no place in our hearts. 3: Protesting doesn't include riots 4. Protesting doesn't include looting/rioting 5: Free persons protest; criminals loot/riot 6: Protesters are not criminals because they protest; two different groups of people; not to be judged as one 7: My mom scolded me harshly for ever using the word "hate" said about a person or group. 8: Many of us are tired; exhausted; tired of anxiety about illness and exhausted by grief. 9: I want to go to the forest 10: I want to go to the ocean 11: I want people to value other people; you don't have to like everyone or agree with them, just accept they are equal. 12: Black Lives Matter.

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