Yesterday was my birthday

I turned 38 yesterday. It was a good day. My party was the day before so it was quiet for me, but we helped celebrate the birthday of the sweet daughter of some friends, she is turning 9.

I could not help but reflect on the difference a year has made in my life. My life before was a lie. Not a lie about me, but covering for the sins and mis-deeds done by my former husband. I felt a tremendous need to be protective of him, even though he was causing me so much pain and misery. In fact I prayed everyday that he would stop his abusive ways.

I knew that even if he stopped he wasn't the man for me, but I was willing to stay in a marriage simply because I made a commitment to him and God.

When the you know what hit the fan finally on May 21st 2009 there was a switch in me. I knew that I had to end the marriage or lose myself completely.

My birthday last year was terrifying. I have some amazing friends, AP and R, that took me in and made me feel loved, but I knew that I was now alone in this world.

So AP threw me what she called a "Re-birthday party". We had fish tacos and strawberry shortcake, my favs. I came downstairs after one of several cries and posed for some pics.

One of those pics was one I used on e-harmony.

A picture of my pain was a rung in the ladder of things that led me to the life I live now.

None of us every really knows what is around the corner.

Live and love like you mean it, every single day.

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Today's list of what is on my mind

1: Will our society survive ourselves 2: Do we even deserve to survive; why are we, as a country, society, still not understanding why hate has no place in our hearts. 3: Protesting doesn't include riots 4. Protesting doesn't include looting/rioting 5: Free persons protest; criminals loot/riot 6: Protesters are not criminals because they protest; two different groups of people; not to be judged as one 7: My mom scolded me harshly for ever using the word "hate" said about a person or group. 8: Many of us are tired; exhausted; tired of anxiety about illness and exhausted by grief. 9: I want to go to the forest 10: I want to go to the ocean 11: I want people to value other people; you don't have to like everyone or agree with them, just accept they are equal. 12: Black Lives Matter.

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Embrace the Bacongal, and what ever I'm itching to say !

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